CRUST PUNK

The definition of bittersweet is rather formulaic; instead, the festival known as Beetstock 5000, and the subsequent aftermath, should forever be known as the official and one true definition. Designed to celebrate over 5,000 years of beats, melodies, and toe-tapping rhythms, the summer festival went off without a hitch. In front of trillions of creatures, the likes of Med Evil, Synthesizer Wrecks, Wish Upon, and, of course, Pizza Bear, took listeners on an intergalactic tour of the universe, promising brand new beats, and a good time. Just three days long, the memories of those performances would have bubbled in minds for millennia to come if not for the mighty silver hand of Lord Prosect who soon declared all music null and void. On July 6th, just weeks after the festival ended, during a free distribution of records and cassettes that commemorated the most powerful performances of the festival, Lord Prosect attacked, destroying several million copies and nearly every intergalactic radio station. Luckily, the Intergalactic Beets Project saved one copy each of the vinyl and cassette editions, to prove to those who might seek it out in the future that Beetstock 5000 was the seminal moment before chaos took over. It would be some time before music returned to the ears of the creatures of the universe, but that’s another story, for another time…