ICE CREAM MONDAY

Had Mascarpone Beach heeded these ancient words he might not have taken the heel turn that would come to define his career. After the rocky success of his first album Mascarpone Beach, the former lifeguard quickly fell into a spiral flooded with crime; international intrigue; assassination attempts; cold, hard cash; and tasty treats. Whether the character of Strawberry Yields was simply a clever musical turn to enhance his image or if he had truly devolved into an underworld kingpin, we will never truly know. All that is left behind of this particular legacy is a record that screams with the might of a power player and sizzles like the hot, sandy beaches of Mini Chips City. This was Mascarpone Beach at his most braggadocious, but also his most vulnerable. Admitting to his own weaknesses meant he could harden his shell and take on all comers, which he certainly did, decimating the charts for over three years on the strength of five singles, all while running an ice cream smuggling ring aimed at children. MCC erupted in a string of gang violence following the decline of the album’s popularity, resulting in the supposed death of the frosty legend. To this day, no suspects exist, and no corpse has ever been uncovered.